Sometimes You Can’t Simply “Get Over It”
By Kristin Stetler Donovan, Owner
Aging In Place Senior Care Service
Everyone has their own challenges, their own pain and suffering, and their own joys and successes. We live in a world that is fast-paced, and demands on our time can seem excessive. With increased technology, we never really shut down. All that being said, it’s easy to lose sight of others and what they are going through. We are often consumed by our own life events; wrapped up in our own lives, we fail to have empathy and compassion for others.
Of course, it is difficult at times to have empathy and compassion for others when we are consumed by the excessive demands of our own daily lives, but nonetheless, it’s important not to disparage those around us and minimize what they are going through. Unfortunately, when things happen such as health decline or a death of a; loved one, husband, wife, parent, sibling or any other individual that we hold near and dear to our hearts, you just can’t “get over it” like others expect us to do, especially when their care needs have fallen directly on us. No one can stand in judgement or tell you that you should simply “get over it.” Decline of a loved one is life-altering; death of a loved one, even more life-altering. Your perception of loss, grief, depression is real. Years ago, I learned that “Your perception is your reality.” No one can negate how you feel. No one should stand in judgement of anyone’s pain or suffering or how they should handle it, let alone “get over it.”
Sometimes people say things that they feel are comforting when in fact they are dismissing what you are going through. Years ago, my parents had a magnitude of health issues, and they struggled for several years, eventually passing away two years apart. At that time, my mother-in-law would often say “this too shall pass.” I know the intention was to comfort me, but that sentence never really brought me comfort. At that time, I was raising three young children under the age of seven and trying to care for two parents significantly declining at a rapid pace. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Caring for two senior parents and three children left little time for rest, relaxation, or self-care. It seemed as though the responsibility of caring for others usurped any need for attention or health maintenance for myself. Being a; wife, mother, daughter, and caregiver was my identity. I’m sure there are many that feel what I felt all those years ago. There were days when I longed for my corporate 60-80-hour work week, which seemed to pale in comparison to the critical role of caregiver to many.
Everything we go through, good or bad, passes, but it doesn’t mean sickness and death doesn’t create struggles and cause tears and pain. Until it happens to you, or unless you are the one going through struggles with health decline or increased care needs of a loved one, you can’t understand what someone else is going through. Even if someone has gone through it, the experience is different for everyone and the emotional response everyone experiences is different. I felt like no one understood or cared what I was going through. I felt so alone, overwhelmed, lost, and drained caring for those I loved, but honestly, I would do it all over again. I’d have it no other way. There is one thing I wish we had known as my mother was end-stage, in particular. We weren’t aware that home care agencies existed until my mother was close to passing in a hospice unit. At this point it was too late to get a respite.
The reason my agency exists today is because I wanted to help those that feel like I felt all those years ago. If you are overwhelmed or need resources in senior care, please contact us at 302-722-8240 and we would be more than happy to help you in any way we can; we are here to assist you with empathy and compassion.
Testimonials
“Meant to call and tell you how much we enjoyed the caregiver. We definitely plan to use her again, thanks.” ~ Alice S.
“Thank you so much for taking care of my Dad these last several years. Your support allowed him to live with dignity and independence he otherwise would not have experienced. We are forever grateful for your service and dedication.” ~ Mike R.
(302) 722-8240
5586 Kirkwood Highway
Wilmington, DE 19808
