Rebirth & Renewal – Care For The Caregiver
By Kristin Stetler Donovan, Owner
Aging In Place Senior Care Service
I am one of those people who gets excited as the daylight extends and the temperature gets warmer. The crocus, daffodils, tulips and hyacinths signal that spring has sprung and summer is soon to follow. Typically, those who desire change, vow to make a change when the clock strikes midnight on December 31st. A lot of those New Year’s resolutions fail, but I am hoping that this spring if you desire change you can make it happen, especially those that are tirelessly and meticulously caring for a loved one.
Seasons come and go, but when you have a loved one, husband, wife, parent, sibling etc., that you are caring for on a day-to-day basis, that doesn’t change with the season, that is a constant part of your daily routine. And sadly, many, including myself, both past and present, prioritize their loved ones’ needs above their own. I think I can speak for the masses who are reading this and for which this message resonates. We have all put off doing for ourselves, while we are caring for others. I have, and have seen, others push past their limits. I have seen and personally experienced many tears, sleepless nights and fatigue as a result of loving with all of your heart and caring for another. In fact, I have seen caregivers push themselves so hard that their health is compromised and in some extreme cases pass away before those that are in their care, I watched it happen to my father. He wore himself to a frazzle caring for my mother. Within six months of showing signs of health decline he passed away from heart failure. I’m not sharing this to scare those caring for another, but rather to beg you to take care of you.
I don’t claim to have all of the answers nor to be an expert, but what I do know is that I have lived it. And now, almost 14 years later, I have watched many friends, family members and clients’ family members struggle with love, caring and boundaries. It seems as though caring for someone often strips us of our awareness of boundaries. I am here to tell you that everyone needs boundaries in order to lead a healthy, happy, balanced life. If you are depleted, what do you have to give to others? One of my favorite analogies is that you can’t pour from an empty glass. And years ago, I was talking with a friend, and I created my own analogy – I said “If I have a glass full of marbles and I give away all my marbles, then in effect, I have lost my marbles.” This was said rather tongue-in-cheek, but honestly, there have been many occasions that caring too much has taken not only a physical toll, but mental and emotional.
Take time for you! I know this is easier said than done, but take time to recharge. Maybe you can’t go away for a week, please go away for one night. Get your nails painted, go for the massage or just meet a friend for coffee. Take at least a half hour to just sit in peace. I personally am not a yoga or Pilates person, but those that are, please make the time to take that time for you. I often hear my clients’ family or caregivers say that I have to care for my loved one and it has to be me. As I mentioned earlier, my father passed away and it happened to be two years prior to my mother. If he had only focused on his health and replenishing his soul, maybe just maybe, we wouldn’t have lost him when we did. Neglecting ourselves does not help our loved ones. When you take time for you it gives you the strength and the endurance to continue providing support and care for others.
If there is any way that you feel that Aging in Place Senior Care Services can help you find some you time we are here to help. Please call 302-722-8240 and we will listen with a sympathetic and supportive ear.
Testimonial
“Dear Kristin, want to acknowledge to you, how fortunate we are to be able to have you looking out for our old age. You have a great natural gift and astute to choose special people, who have great hearts, warm personality & total commitment to their clients. I am so fond of my caregivers, they made me feel total concern on their part. Thank you for being you.” ~ Ellen G.
(302) 722-8240
5586 Kirkwood Highway
Wilmington, DE 19808
