The Frustration Is Not Only Yours, It’s Theirs Too
By Kristin Stetler Donovan, Owner
Aging In Place Senior Care Service
I’ve shared my story many times before. I reflect on the challenges, lack of knowledge and sheer fear of not knowing what to do. I think it’s important that I share it as many times as possible, so that others can know that if they are experiencing any of these emotions in dealing with coordinating care for a loved one, they are not alone.
There is one thing that is for certain. Every one of us is going to age. Each one of us is on our own journey and no two people’s journeys are the same. Some of us will lead a healthy and active life, while some may develop health issues along the way. For those that struggle with health issues, it is expected and normal to feel a sense of frustration. Sometimes family, friends, and loved ones supporting those with health issues feel an enormous amount of stress and have a great deal of responsibility, unfortunately creating a sense of frustration as well.
Over the last twelve years almost all of the clients Aging in Place Senior Care Services have assisted have shared some form of frustration at a loss of physical abilities, an inability to remain independent without assistance, or an inability to support a loved one as they age and require support and assistance.
A lot of the seniors we have served have expressed remorse for what they feel is placing a “burden” on their children. This always resonates with me when I meet senior clients and share some of my story. My mother often said that she was a burden to me. I never felt like she was a burden. I was grateful that I had a mother that was living and able to be there for me and my children, and to create and share memories that we would all cherish for the rest of our lives after her passing. I reminded her that she cared for me as a baby and always. I told her repeatedly that I was happy to return the favor, not out of duty, but out of love. Unfortunately, I think that as an aging parent, you can see all of the responsibilities that your child has daily in their lives and the lives of their children, and it is easy to feel like you are adding to the daily workload and to feel like a burden. Can I say that I never felt frustration? I assure you that I did! The thing I always tried to remind myself was how would I feel? What if I couldn’t do for myself or what if I depended on others for my basic daily needs? When I was a young girl, I never could have known that my mother would be incontinent with high blood pressure, diabetic and have a plethora of additional health and mobility issues. Nor did I ever think my father’s heart would fail just six months after he showed signs of health decline. As a family we did the best we could to support our parents and their needs, just as they supported us throughout our lives from infancy to adulthood.
I say I had the good fortune of being a stay-at-home mom, because it allowed me to care for my parents. As wonderful as that was for my children and my parents, and honestly for me to have the opportunity to care for and support my parents, it didn’t come without a price. Due to me giving up my corporate career, it came with a financial cost. Plus, the stress and demands of being a caregiver for three small children and two parents with failing health was nothing short of exhausting. The reason I share all of this is not looking for empathy or accolade, but because I know that bits and pieces, if not most of my story is a lot like others’ stories. What I never knew about was the existence of Personal Assistance Home Care Agencies. In hindsight, if I knew about home care agencies, it may have eased the frustration I sometimes felt, and the frustration and feelings of being a burden that my mother and father often felt.
When I meet with prospective clients, I tend to emphasize that with the assistance of home care services it allows more quality time to be spent making memories and less time tending to the daily household chores of their loved ones. Our staff is meticulously selected, and we take pride in trying to find the perfect match based on skillset, care needs, and personality. If you think we may be of assistance and may be able to alleviate any frustrations, please contact our office 302-722-8240 and we would be happy to assist you.
Testimonials
“Meant to call and tell you how much we enjoyed the caregiver. We definitely plan to use her again, thanks.” ~ Alice S.
“Thank you so much for taking care of my Dad these last several years. Your support allowed him to live with dignity and independence he otherwise would not have experienced. We are forever grateful for your service and dedication.” ~ Mike R.
(302) 722-8240
5586 Kirkwood Highway
Wilmington, DE 19808
