Life is like the seasons. It is ever changing, ever moving towards what is next and away from what was. No matter how much you enjoy the summer, a winter is on the horizon and even the coldest of winters carries the promise of warmer days.

I tend to work a bit differently than most other life coaches. Actually, I am more of a life strategist. Most life coaching is about assessing where you are, where you want to go, and the goals needed to get there. All those things are important, but the setting of goals is never our problem. Heck, most people set goals every year on New Year’s Eve, and then break them the next day. Our challenge is to become the type of person who will consistently do what it takes to achieve their goals.

One day I was driving home from a long day at work, and I was starving. I have this habit of “forgetting” to eat. I know it’s not the best thing for me, but my schedule gets so crazy, it just happens. So as I was heading home, I saw a 7-11 coming up on my right hand side. I thought of grabbing a snack, but I had just gone food shopping, and I have some good healthy choices at home. The more I thought about it, the hungrier I got, and the hungrier I became, the more desperate I felt.

If you have been reading any of my articles, you have heard me say that the driving force of all behavior is our need to avoid pain and our desire for pleasure. It is the keystone of understanding why we do what we do. One of the things that has allowed me to help so many people for the past 12 years, from such diverse backgrounds and challenges is that we are all wired the same.

Life is difficult. That was the first sentence of the very first personal growth book I ever read some 20 years ago. A friend gave me M. Scott Peck’s, The Road Less Traveled. I thought it was a peculiar gift – it was given to me at the height of my addiction to drugs. I remember asking my friend what the book was about and they said, “Just read it.” It took me two years before I finally picked it up, and it took another five years until I finished it. Those first three words – Life is short – were unforgettable to me, and I remember thinking, “Who would start a self help book like that?”

I remember when a couple on the verge of divorce came in to see me. They told me their story of why the relationship was failing. One story went like this: “I did everything for them and they did not return it back to me, so I stopped giving…

Pain is temporary… suffering is eternal. I understand both. I understand how crazy you can feel when you know what you should be doing, but emotionally you get pulled back to an undesirable behavior or emotion. I also understand the frustration that comes from being afraid of changing even when you know it will be better than where you are currently. Somewhere along the way we believe insight equals change, so we go into therapy to gain “insights” of what went wrong in our past that will explain the pain or suffering of today.

Life is not easy or fair. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s focus on what is really important: What can we do to take back control of our lives?

Betty came to one of my Breaking Through The Barrier seminars. Her original thought for attending was to help her find direction in her life, but she suddenly realized why she needed to be at the seminar. She had been living life afraid.

There is nothing like being in love. You feel as if you are gliding on air, and nothing hurts as much as the end of that relationship. A breakup is difficult regardless of the side that you are on. Through coaching couples and individuals, I have seen the pain and hurt when love is no longer enough.