Getting Seduced By Comfort?
By Joe White
President and Founder of
Get Life Coaching.
2012 Entrepreneur of The Year
No one ever starts out life and plans to settle. We come to this world full of dreams and ambitions. We are fearless warriors and warrior princesses but somewhere on our journey we come to realize that the rules we have for life are not shared by others. We experience pain, disappointment, hurt and lost. Eventually we find a place that is least painful, perhaps mildly uncomfortable and we begin to call it home. As for our dreams? We create stories of how they are really not that important to us or how an event or individual is the reason we had to settle. Then we officially settle and life as we know it changes forever.
I remember I was speaking at a leadership conference on the topic of how can we navigate through the seasons of our life when a woman approached me after I finished. She said to me, “I don’t need to grow; my life is pretty content. I mean I am not where I want to be but heck I am better than I was when I was younger.” I was caught in the crossfire. Do I politely agree with her or do I share with her that what she told me is the exact definition of settling?
We have come to believe that our greatest human need is our need for survival. We have learned in Psychology 101 from Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. But the truth is that our need for comfort and familiarity is even higher. I know what you are thinking… “What is wrong with comfort?” Inherently nothing but comfort is very seductive and addictive. The more we get of it the more we want of it and the more we want it the more we have it.
Comfort and familiarity is the root of settling. We settle because it feels good to be comfortable and then it becomes familiar which means we avoid stepping into what is uncomfortable. The paradox here is clear, we only grow when we step into uncertainty and that is usually very unfamiliar and is not very comfortable. This is the Settling Trap.
We settle for a relationship that is not fulfilling, a career that is unrewarding, a life that is uninspired. It does not matter why you are here. Spend years in therapy if you need that answer but more importantly you must break free from the gravitational pull of settling. We must grow. Nature’s law is that which does not grows dies. We die emotionally little by little.
We must reawaken our dreams, ignite our passion and realize that the quality of our lives is greater than the seduction of comfort and that we find happiness in progress.
As for the women at my speaking engagement… four months later after some coaching and my Breaking Through The Barrier seminar, her new favorite song is by Sugarland and she sings, “I ain’t settlin’ for anything less than everything.”
Like most married woman with children, I found myself coursing through life on autopilot. My first priority was taking care of my family, which lead me to take a back seat to my own life. I ìthoughtî I was unhappy and that crushed my spirit. How could I be so unhappy when I have so much to be grateful for? What I learned through attending the Fire Walk and Breaking through the Barrier is that you donít ìloseî happiness, or need to search for it. It is there with you everyday. You just need the right tools to help you wipe away fear, old habits and denial. Once you accomplish that goal, youíll find happiness standing right in front of you, arms extended; ready to embrace you once again. Thank you GLC. Thank you for teaching me how to get back in the driverís seatÖ.I am thoroughly enjoying the ride! With lots of love and gratitude, Cindy Berkowitz
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