Living In The In-between, Finding Power in the Unknown

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Joe White:
President and Founder of Get Life Coaching
2008 Entrepreneurial Advocate of the Year

If you have been reading any of my articles, you have heard
me say that the driving force
of all behavior is our need to avoid pain and our desire for pleasure.

It is the keystone of understanding why we do what we do. One of the things that has allowed me to help so many people for the past 12 years, from such diverse backgrounds and challenges is that we are all wired the same. We all have the same nervous system and all have the same emotional needs. Yet as we know, we are as similar as we are different. What makes you and I distinctively different is our own unique personal experiences – our background, family and schooling, social economical conditioning, and events of our lives and their meanings. But in the end, pain and pleasure is still the carrot and stick.

One of life’s areas which creates so much pain,
is when we are confronted with the unknown.

Often we kick into emotional fight or flight (actually it is freeze, flight, or fight). We go into protection mode and augment the processes so that we can get ourselves out of the uncomfortable unknown and back to the comfort of familiarity.  Now, you may be reading this saying, “And what is wrong with doing this.” Well…..everything!

The double bind is that we only grow when we are in uncertainty.

Certainty gives you security, which we all need to function, but it does not give you growth. Only uncertainty gives you growth. If we look to nature for more answers, nature tells us what doesn’t grow dies. It is the perfect quagmire; the very thing we need for life is what we believe we need to avoid the most.

So many individuals come to me at the edge and are afraid
to leap off to what they desire on the other side.

Sometimes it’s because they can’t see what is on the other side and they are afraid that there might not be anything there. Others begin to leap but as soon as they start to feel that uncertainty they scramble back to what they know. Either way they go deeper into protection mode and believe more and more just how weak they are.

We must break free from this cycle.
We are all powerful beyond measure.

The augmentation causes our circle to shrink and in turn us to shrink. We become more and more afraid and less willing to venture out. Less willing to put ourselves in the situation in which we can grow.  The lesson to be learned is that being in-beween is not a sign of weakness, as we often believe, but rather it is where we go to develop the emotional muscles and wisdom for what is needed on the other side. We have come to misinterpret the uncertainty as something we need to protect ourselves from rather than something that is there to serve us.

In the end we cannot settle for comfort over growth.

It is a losing proposition. Discover your greatness and your strength by exercising your ability to respond to your life. Welcome the unknown and accept its lesson that may not always feel good in the moment but is good for you. If you do, you will grow more then you can imagine and the impact will be enormous for the lives of those you love and yourself.

Till next issue, I wish you a month of love and passion!  ~ Joe

www.getlifecoaching.com
www.facebook.com/getlifecoaching
www.twitter.com/getlifecoaching

phone:  302-832-3424

Joe White and his team teach and coach with a completely different approach than any other coaches or consultants I have used in our 25-year history. The difference is that they are effective from the first session on.  Get Life Coaching gets to the core of the issues, correctly alters the mindset of the participants, and moves forward versus looking in the past. We continue to use Get Life Coaching as we grow and change as a company. ~     Beverly Stewart, M.Ed., Hall of Fame of Delaware Women Award Winner
President/Director
Back to Basics Learning Dynamics, Inc.

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If you have been reading any of my articles, you have heard me say that the driving force of all behavior is our need to avoid pain and our desire for pleasure. It is the keystone of understanding why we do what we do. One of the things that has allowed me to help so many people for the past 12 years, from such diverse backgrounds and challenges is that we are all wired the same. We all have the same nervous system and all have the same emotional needs. Yet as we know, we are as similar as we are different. What makes you and I distinctively different is our own unique personal experiences – our background, family and schooling, social economical conditioning, and events of our lives and their meanings. But in the end, pain and pleasure is still the carrot and stick.
One of life’s areas which creates so much pain, is when we are confronted with the unknown. Often we kick into emotional fight or flight (actually it is freeze, flight, or fight). We go into protection mode and augment the processes so that we can get ourselves out of the uncomfortable unknown and back to the comfort of familiarity.
Now, you may be reading this saying, “And what is wrong with doing this.” Well…..everything!

The double bind is that we only grow when we are in uncertainty. Certainty gives you security, which we all need to function, but it does not give you growth. Only uncertainty gives you growth. If we look to nature for more answers, nature tells us what doesn’t grow dies. It is the perfect quagmire; the very thing we need for life is what we believe we need to avoid the most.
So many individuals come to me at the edge and are afraid to leap off to what they desire on the other side. Sometimes it’s because they can’t see what is on the other side and they are afraid that there might not be anything there. Others begin to leap but as soon as they start to feel that uncertainty they scramble back to what they know. Either way they go deeper into protection mode and believe more and more just how weak they are.

We must break free from this cycle. We are all powerful beyond measure. The augmentation causes our circle to shrink and in turn us to shrink. We become more and more afraid and less willing to venture out. Less willing to put ourselves in the situation in which we can grow.  The lesson to be learned is that being in-beween is not a sign of weakness, as we often believe, but rather it is where we go to develop the emotional muscles and wisdom for what is needed on the other side. We have come to misinterpret the uncertainty as something we need to protect ourselves from rather than something that is there to serve us.

In the end we cannot settle for comfort over growth. It is a losing proposition. Discover your greatness and your strength by exercising your ability to respond to your life. Welcome the unknown and accept its lesson that may not always feel good in the moment but is good for you. If you do, you will grow more then you can imagine and the impact will be enormous for the lives of those you love and yourself.

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