By: Attorney Rory Colton Godowsky

When I first became a family lawyer, almost thirty years ago, the goal of many spouses was to fight until someone became so exhausted from the struggle that they gave in to the other person or allowed a judge to make a decision, leaving both parties lacking what they really wanted. Unfortunately, the system at that time did not encourage people to take control of their own destiny. Divorce was synonymous with war and no one came out feeling victorious. Litigation did not create a resolution and often the real victims were the children, the very people both parties were trying to protect.

Today, however, there are options to duking it out when a marriage is dissolving. The process known as mediation allows parties to work with a third party who is a neutral to sort out the details involved in the finalization of the matters. In this setting, the parties are able to explain to the mediator and the other party what their goals are and how they would like to proceed to work out the issues.

Mediation got started in the late 70’s as a way to work out disputes and still maintain a relationship with the other party. Basically, any matter that is in dispute can be mediated in order to resolve the issues. The increasing trend in mediation is a combined result of people wanting to avoid the costs of litigation and the concern about maintaining an ongoing relationship. It should be noted that in most conflicts, the savings in using mediation as a remedy is not just money. People are able to work through their disputes and still maintain a relationship with the other party.

When the parties decide that they would like to pursue mediation there is an initial meeting scheduled. At that time the parties and the mediator have an informal discussion about the issues, and what, if anything, the parties have already agreed upon. After that initial meeting the parties fill out paperwork regarding their assets, debts, and income information for the next session.

There are a series of sessions held until all issues are resolved. Once the parties have finalized all matters, the mediator will prepare an agreement that becomes a contract between the parties. Most people who have been through the process are pleased because of the relationship they have been able to retain, and, in many instances, develop with their former spouse.

The mediator at all times remains a neutral party. In this capacity the mediator can not give legal advice to either spouse. The mediator can, however, help the parties figure out options that would be beneficial in the agreement and guide them through the process, as well as helping them to learn to communicate about their differences rather than argue.

Although divorce mediation seems like a new process it is becoming more and more popular throughout the country. Most people prefer to resolve their differences amicably, despite what they may feel initially and are happy to be able to control the outcome of their future.

Mediation is a confidential process and nothing that is said at mediation can be used in a court proceeding. The mediator cannot be called to court as a witness and generally will not speak to one spouse without the other spouse’s knowledge. There are some instances, however, where the parties will be in two different rooms and the mediator will go back and forth to discuss the party’s position. This may be at the request of one of the parties, or the premise of the mediator that an agreement will be more likely if the parties are in separate rooms.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What if my spouse does not want to come?
Divorce mediation is voluntary and if a spouse initially is hesitant they can contact the mediator for a brief overview of the process or agree to come to the initial meeting.

2. Is mediation more expensive than going through the litigation process?
Generally, people find mediation to be considerably less expensive than going through litigation.

3. How much time will it take to get everything settled?
This actually depends on how many issues are involved and how far apart the parties are.  Some people finish in a few sessions while other people require more time to come to an agreement.

4. What are the issues that can be worked out at mediation?
Any issues that are in dispute between parties can be resolved at mediation.  In a divorce mediation case, this would include working out a parenting plan, support, property division and costs.

5. What if we can’t come to an agreement?
If mediation does not work out the parties can seek help through attorneys and return to mediation at any time.

For more information, or to schedule a consultation, contact Attorney Godowsky at 302-654-4557, or email legalmom1012@gmail.com.

Rory Godowsky has been practicing law in Delaware for almost 30 years. She is a graduate of Widener University School of Law and has been in private practice with an emphasis on Family Law and Personal Injury.

Additionally, Rory has been involved in the practice of Mediation for almost 20 years. She has had extensive training in Superior Court Mediation, Family Mediation and Adult Guardianship Mediation. She is a member of the American Bar Association, Delaware State Bar Association, American Trial Lawyers Association and Delaware Trial Lawyers Association. She was previously a Commissioner on the Delaware Commission for Women and a member of the Family Law and Alternate Dispute Resolution Sections of the Delaware State Bar Association. Additionally, she is a member of the International Alliance of Holistic Lawyers, the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, the Association for Conflict Resolution and the Parenting Coordination Council of Delaware.

Rory has found the practice of law coupled with being married and raising two children an interesting “juggling act.” She believes in peaceful conflict resolution and her mediation practice consists of divorce mediation, parent/child mediation and work related mediation.

Rory is married to Steven Godowsky and has two children, Dean and Sami. To relax, Rory likes to do yoga and meditation.