By: Attorney Rory Colton Godowsky

Afriend had just finished going through his divorce and commented to me what a ‘bulldog,’ his attorney had been. He said that he didn’t fight with his ex-wife during their eighteen year marriage as much as he did with his attorney. Unfortunately, over the years this has been the measure of what a good lawyer does for his/her client. The destruction that is caused to the relationship between the litigants by some family attorneys creating further feuding is appalling and unnecessary.

What is the alternative? Many people have discovered that going through a divorce or other family disputes does not have to ruin whatever relationship may still exist. In fact, often people are able to improve their relationships with each other during the process. Why is this so important? In many cases, even though people are involved in dispute, there are ties that will still cause them to maintain communication with the other person. This may be property or finances, but in a large number of situations it involves their children.

The area most divorcing couples have difficulty working through relates to custody and having a parenting plan that is mutually acceptable. This should come as no shock since raising children while living in the same household is difficult enough, now the added burden of raising the children in two separate households magnifies the already existing problems. Children who are eighteen and younger will have a plan for their future care arranged for them by the court if the parents are unable to agree on the schedule. This court process can be time consuming, extremely expensive in the way of attorneys’ fees, but most significant, emotionally devastating to the parents. The process encourages people to bring to the court the most horrific memories and traits regarding the other parent. Additionally, in many cases children are brought to the court to speak to the judge.  This may be frightening and confusing to young children who are already going through some tough times.

Mediation allows parents to talk through their concerns and have a mediator, who is neutral, help them work out the details of a plan that they can live with.

Mediation is also a way to work out arrangements for aging family members. This ever increasing issue has become an area of conflict for many families. The problem is not just what the elderly family member would prefer, but also agreeing on the best placement with siblings and other extended family members. The process of mediation allows the parties to work together and agree on a plan, with the help of a mediator. Often just having the input of the mediator creates other options that the families have not considered because of the emotions that have gotten in the way. This process is a way of keeping families from having to go to court which can be expensive and more importantly, destructive of family relationships.

Additionally, Rory has been involved in the practice of Mediation for almost 20 years. She has had extensive training in Superior Court Mediation, Family Mediation and Adult Guardianship Mediation. She is a member of the American Bar Association, Delaware State Bar Association, American Trial Lawyers Association and Delaware Trial Lawyers Association. She was previously a Commissioner on the Delaware Commission for Women and a member of the Family Law and Alternate Dispute Resolution Sections of the Delaware State Bar Association. Additionally, she is a member of the International Alliance of Holistic Lawyers, the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, the Association for Conflict Resolution and the Parenting Coordination Council of Delaware.

Rory has found the practice of law coupled with being married and raising two children an interesting “juggling act.” She believes in peaceful conflict resolution and her mediation practice consists of divorce mediation, parent/child mediation and work related mediation.

Rory is married to Steven Godowsky and has two children, Dean and Sami. To relax, Rory likes to do yoga and meditation.