By: Diana Graziano Bowden, President, Senior Care Consulting

Would you ever take a job that requires you to work 24/7, always be on call, with many nights of interrupted sleep, having no training, with no pay or may even cost you money, plus the loss of your whole social network? Sounds like the role of a full-time parent, or in some cases, the role of a caregiver for an aging loved one.

The Family Caregiver Alliance estimates that in the United States there are approximately 6 million people providing care for a person 65+ years of age who need assistance with daily activities. This number is expected to increase to 37 million by the year 2050. The choice to be a caregiver for an aging loved one is very honorable, but the reality is that with time, and sometimes not very much elapse of time, caregivers simply burnout. They find them selves experiencing extreme levels of stress and personal loss. The question is: Are there enough resources provided to caregivers, and if so, do caregivers take advantage of them? Surprisingly, caregivers sometimes find it difficult to reach out for help.

There are different types of resources offered locally, and are funded privately or through the government. Professional assistance can be given in the senior’s current living environment or through one of the many retirement communities in the area. In addition, support groups and non-profit agencies are available at no cost to the family. Families can also hire a personal consultant to walk them through the difficult process of finding appropriate resources for their loved one. So why don’t all caregivers take advantage of such assistance? Guilt. Guilt is one of the main factors in a caregiver’s decision making process. Guilt comes from within, or guilt can come from without, as put on by the senior they care for. Maybe it’s a promise they made to never “put them in a home,” or that “I will always take care of my mother.” Guilt at times has a lifespan of 30 years and stems from your childhood relationship with a parent. Guilt also plays into Responsibility. Caregivers can sometimes feel that “these are my parents. They are my responsibility, and no one can care for them like I can.” These types of statements trap a person, and hinder them from making good choices for their aging loved one and for themselves. Without intervention, eventually the caregiver will start to experience significant personal losses, such as a failed marriage, the loss of their professional career, financial hardship, or even physical health problems of their own. A good decision will always capture the senior’s needs and desires, while fitting into the family’s lifestyle. The key to combating caregiver burnout is to reach for assistance and support from your community before the signs and symptoms begin. Some signs of caregiver burnout include:

• Excessive Worry
• Sleep Deprivation
• Depression
• Feelings of Alienation
• Change of Appetite or Weight
• Lack of interest in own Personal Hygiene
• Neglect or Rough Treatment of Person for whom you are caring
• Neglect of Personal Relationships
• Lack of Participation in Social Events or Hobbies
• Resentment of the Person for whom you are caring

Even if you are not a full-time caregiver, you can still experience some forms of caregiver burnout. Making decisions for an aging loved one is never easy, and it has gotten more difficult over the years. In the last 40 years society has changed drastically in women’s roles and family structures. Before, a woman’s main role was to be the caregiver of the family. She primarily didn’t work, serving the needs of her household, children and aging relatives. With a change in society comes a change in how we make decisions.

Remembering to have your decision for care fit theirs and your lifestyle is a key in saving your personal life. Diverting from this, will certainly cause deterioration in a family unit.

A common concern for caregivers is that the senior refuses to have outside assistance with their personal care, or is against moving even if their safety is at risk. Instead of fighting to have your loved one whole heartedly agree with the decision for care, try only to have them ‘try out’ the solution. Most resources can be stopped or started with a short-term notice, including rental retirement communities. Most retirement communities are on a 30-day lease basis, with only a few buy-in campuses in our area. Once care has begun or a move has taken place, a great percentage of seniors eventually begin to appreciate the assistance and also benefit from the social aspects of the care. Being around others, even if only for meals, has a big impact on a senior’s social well being, which in turn has a great impact on their physical and psychological well being. So don’t just take “No” for a final answer. Speak with your loved one and negotiate your way to a possible solution to serve their needs and fit your lifestyle.

Most importantly, don’t forget about yourself and your own personal life when caring for an aging loved one. Caregiver burnout is a real issue that affects many Americans. Reach out for the support and resources that are at your fingertips.

Diana Graziano Bowden is the President of Senior Care Consulting. Her highly developed network and experience in Home Care, Hospice, Assisted Living, and Dementia Care helps to create a trusting and nurturing environment for families, providing the support they need to make good decisions for their aging loved ones.

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